Dear Kyeonghwa,

I, too, love thunderstorms. I’ve already encountered some this year. But my most recent thunderstorm… I’m not sure if it was real.

A few weeks ago, I left NYC to stay at a cottage in Philadelphia for a few days. The air inside the cottage prickled with the smell of urine from a sixteen-year-old dog named Chester. Chester can no longer move his body below his hips, or bark to say hello. But when I arrived, Chester opened his eyes wide to greet me. I could see the whites of his eyes! I had held and read your letter for the whole train ride to Philadelphia, so maybe that’s why I noticed the magnificent whites of his eyes. Your friend’s random answer could be the correct response. After all, I also want to see you make a funny face.

Did I really hear thunder that night? After I hugged Chester tightly, I lay in bed for a long time. Rain started to dot the large window of the small room. I had trouble falling asleep, and so while thinking about this and that, I recalled the events leading up to my trip to Philadelphia. 

I helped clear out the apartment of my friend, who had passed away unexpectedly. Book to return to the library. A rice cooker, like-new. My friend’s apartment emptied out quickly, and I left feeling emptied out. Exhausted, I called a taxi and watched the city blur outside the window. And then, CRASH, I heard a thunderous sound. I bolted up and ran over to the window, but it was too dark to see anything. All I saw was a dim light from a train station nearby. An old train was entering the station. Was the sound from a train, and not thunder? 

I’m writing this letter in my dorm room in Harlem. I still can’t fall asleep. Maybe it’s because my two roommates both moved out. Yesterday, the sky was cloudy, but it didn’t rain. I felt relieved. I was trying so hard not to cry, but I ended up crying around three times anyway. In the wake of back-to-back farewells with my roommates, I sat on the sofa and stared vacantly for a while at the mess left behind in the living room and kitchen. Then, I ordered a pizza to eat as a late lunch. When the three of us lived together, the fridge had always been on the verge of bursting because we had such different food preferences. I could now store leftover pizza inside the box instead without putting slices in a separate container. And there would still be ample room in the fridge. This whole time, I must have been the kind of person to arrive late and leave early since this abundance of space felt so strange to me.

Kyeonghwa, do you like to clean? Usually, I don’t enjoy cleaning, but there are times when I really do want to clean. That’s how I feel these days. Now that I think about it, my cleaning fortune has been good this summer. I’m glad I could be here to help clean out my friend’s desk, drawer by drawer, and to change out the pee pads for Chester. Because I could clean out my friend’s desk, drawer by drawer, because I can switch out/change out Chester’s pee pads. Sometimes, cleaning is like praying. Sweeping, wiping down, dusting, touching, and caressing, and as you do these things, you can feel that love existed and still exists in those places. With that in mind, I want to clean the refrigerator at least once before a new roommate shows up.

Lastly, I want to share that I moved the bird mobile you gave me to a new location. I hung it on the living room wall. A nighttime cityscape used to hang on the wall, but both the roommate and the cityscape left this place yesterday. Until I find a new picture to hang, I plan on keeping the bird mobile here.

All of this is to say that I miss you! I hope you’ll enjoy a delicious lunch soon, and if not lunch, then dinner.

‍

Yours,
Ju Ly