Kyounghwa, I hear it's freezing in Seoul today—how are you? Do you still have those hand warmers you’d share with me on cold days?

As soon as I got back to Harlem, I hung the bird mobile you gifted me on my wall. I gazed at the mobile for a long time over a few days spent just eating and sleeping to recover from the jet lag. After several nights passed, I felt more grounded when I looked at the bird mobile, and your letter immediately came to mind! I had stuck the letter inside a book to keep it from getting wrinkled in the luggage. I finally started to unpack to find your letter. I put away the clothes I had packed carefully to protect the book hiding your letter. Thanks to you, I even did a load of laundry.

I fell asleep stretched out on a toasty pile of clothes fresh out of the dryer. I napped. I woke up to read your letter then fell back asleep.

You asked me what it was like to be back in Korea for the first time since I left for grad school. I pondered your question while asleep. In my dream, we wandered around the stalls of Mangwon Market together. I was asking you a question in front of a bungeoppang stand when I woke up from the dream. Kyeonghwa, do you like your bungeoppang filled with red bean paste or choux cream? I like both. I'm guessing the pizza-flavored ones aren’t to your taste? Let's go get bungeoppang the next time we see each other. And if you don't care much for the bungeoppang, I can eat the rest. When we bite into the tails with a little crunch, we'll look at each other in quiet laughter.

My visit to Korea this time was all over the place. I'm still digesting my trip. Why is it always so hard to talk about time lived when you haven't had a chance to fully digest them yet? Maybe that's why. “How's New York City?” I couldn't really answer that question either. Whenever someone asked me a question like that I kept on changing the subject. To stories I had already digested. While catching up, a friend I hadn't seen in forever burst out laughing. “Dude, that story’s from ages ago. It's already been, like, five years.” While I laughed along, my stomach felt heavy and bloated. I thought about all of the undigested moments of time. The time that's close by yet so far away. The time you don't yet have the stomach to revisit.

These days, I’m learning how to reimagine time. Up until now, we've been taught that “there's a time for everything,” right? For example, when it’s time to focus on your studies, time to get married, or time to have a child. People say it's different now, but the myth that you’ll live drowning in regret if you miss the timing for something persists. Ever since I realized that my body doesn’t have to be in sync with the “right” timing, I've decided to reconsider the passage of time. This year, I want to get better at digesting time.

Kyeonghwa, is there a time in your life you'd like to revisit? If there is, won't you write to me about it?

Missing you already,
Ju Ly